John Watson's gayness
by Aastel
Summary: John is not gay. Really not gay. That summaries everything.


"I'm not gay!" John Watson shouted for the tenth time in the evening, tired. He turned over to face the greying man in a white shirt and basic trouser and smiled. Thanks to the dizzy feeling of booze and lights.

"Yeah..." replied Greg Lestrade. The detective inspector finished to drink his own beer.

"I can look at men... But this doesn't mean I want them... Do you understand Greg?"

"Perfectly right, John," said Greg, a faint smile on his face.

*xXx*

"You know what? I'm not gay, and I will never be gay," explained John Watson.

"I never said that"

"Come on! Everything in your behaviours was telling that," replied the army doctor.

Sally Donovan sighed. She lowered her eyes on her never ending pile of paperwork.

"John, we have a corpse to retrieve from the German mafia as soon as I finish to fill these reports. I know you've been living with Sherlock for far too long to be sane but please, please, please! I don't care about your sexual life. Stop being paranoid."

*xXx*

"Sherlock, you should avoid sitting too close to me. People will talk," said John.

"I'm married to my work. Not to you. Unless your conscience tells you to acknowledge your gayness".

"What the... Never mind, Sherlock."

*xXx*

"Thank god you were here Molly. You're my lifesaver. I really thought he was going to kill me."

"You mean to crush you under his curls and coat and purple shirt, don't you?" replied the cheerful legist before going back to her study of a fainted Sherlock Holmes.

"For god's sake! I'm not gay!"

"You say it, Johnny, you say it."

*xXx*

"Mycroft, I'd rather ask you not to enter this room anymore. Sherlock and Greg are having a stiff fight..."

"Dear, dear... They are at it again."

"Can you spare to explain?"

"Something about being gay or not. I suppose the bet is going well!" replied the forever pristine MI-something politician and mastermind.

"I'm. Not. Gay!"

"What a shame! The bet must be going very well, indeed. Have a nice afternoon, John. And give my regards to Sherlock and Lestrade".

*xXx*

"Greg, is it true that Sherlock and you are betting on me?"

"What are you talking about? You paranoid!"

"I don't know why everyone is convinced that I'm gay."

He quickened his pace in hope to catch Lestrade.

"Well,... People will assume that you are gay when you always shout the opposite."

"Meaning..."

Greg stopped in his track. He disappeared into his car, followed by a grumpy and hasty John Watson.

"If being gay or not makes your brain going crazy, then why don't you just kiss a man, see the result and be done with it?" advised the inspector.

"I..."

"See? Maybe that's the solution to my peacefulness... Ok, let's go! Molly must be starved by now."

"Huh?"

"She needs her daily dose of Sherlock and John Watson's craziness to function".

"So I get that you and Molly..."

"What makes you say that?"

"No... Nothing... It just seems that you are getting very well on together."

"We've been friends for many years now. Sherlock is a good common interest."

"You... Gay?"

"Sherlock and I? You really need to kiss a man!"

*xXx*

"Thanks Sally for the help".

"You feeling ok?"

"Well,... Not really... I've just kissed a man and felt horrendous."

"Guess you are not gay after all, right?"

John pulled a face. He nodded.

"Finally some peace!"

"Maybe I should go and tell Greg the good news. He will be relieved to know that I'm still sane".

"Good for you, John."

"Thanks again Sally for the... man. See you on the crime scene!"

"Yeah, yeah! Try not to run into Sherlock."

"What has he done again?"

"Something about a bet with Greg... They must have gotten the results by now."

"Oh..."

"Must dash. See you!"

With a final wave, the sergeant turned into a corridor heading to the drug department, leaving John standing alone in front of Greg's office.

Feeling light but still disgusted by his experiment with a real manly man, he entered the office without knocking and...

"Fuck!" shouted the man. He sauntered to the other side, trying to cover his face and surprise under a sea of falling papers and documents.

"John! What the...", replied Greg.

"Hello, John.", added Mycroft.

To enter the mighty office of one finest detective of Scotland Yard just to discover two men in a very compromising position was... Well, at least they were still clothed and only kissing... French kissing.

"I... I'd better get out of here. Sorry..."

John made a gawky retreat and tumblered into a fuming Sherlock.

"They got me! They got me!" cried the curly haired man.

"Wh... What?"

"That... Gavin... Lestrade! He tricked me! I knew there was a gay man in our close circle and of course Mycroft and he... They tricked me with you!"

"Sherlock?"

"Lestrade and I decided to make a bet about one being gay around us. Because I was convinced one of you was gay. I accepted. I already knew Mycroft was gay and that's the reason why. He hardly comes to crime scenes but after some time, I've noticed he spends far too much time with us. So I thought he must have a romantic interest here... So... A bet. But they tricked me! Both of them!"

"How's that possible?"

"Lestrade made you think you were gay so that he can dearly fuck my brother into oblivion with no one suspecting them!"

"Ah..."

"Yes, John, we lost, John!"

"For fuck's sake! And I thought I was really gay!... GREG!"

*xXx*

"What were you saying again?"

"Shut up luv', you're speaking far too much. Let me kiss you..."

"Hmm... Greg"

"I... Oh God, right here!"

"Yes, my God?"

"Wait, wait!"

"Myc'?"

"Retreat! Sherlock and John are spying on us!"

"Well, I've won the bet don't I?"

"But they are going to kill you, Greg!"

"Never! I have my Mycroft to protect me. Now, let them watch us and puke."

"You are a devil."

"A mastermind of tricking not gay John Watson!"

* * *

><p>That was stupid. Really.<p>

... French speaker turned into marshmallow English bad writer. Just for fun. Meh!


End file.
